I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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