please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
