she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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