You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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