And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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