Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
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I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
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Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize