I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
