I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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