i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
