please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
