I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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