Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
