i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
do herpes really smell.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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