You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
