I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
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I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.