theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down