Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it

(651): View more from Minnesota

nevermind its newpaper

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(309): View more from Illinois

She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.

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(636): View more from Missouri

On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"

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(406): View more from Montana

she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(530): View more from California

for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50

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(785): View more from Kansas

The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.

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(707): View more from California

Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!

(720): View more from Colorado

True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down

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