It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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