Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm eating all of the evidence.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we made out on top of his cat.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
