i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
