I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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