So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
