i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
