I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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