Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
