I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
