I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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