Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
