i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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