Hey man sorry I got all grabby
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Life is so much better after having sex.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
