I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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