apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
