I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize