dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
