I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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