GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
