You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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