I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize