I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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