I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
