you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
