We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
