he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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