I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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