Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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