It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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