420 ftw
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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