His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I stole a fireplace last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
