Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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