I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
