Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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