i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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