I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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