But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
