How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
