"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My vagina is officially offended.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
