Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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