I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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