WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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