honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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