I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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