Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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