Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
