fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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