Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
