Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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