I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
