I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They have beer where we have blood.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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