you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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