Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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