After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
