my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
