So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
