Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
