When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
